Acceptance is hard. The hardest.
When you have a child who struggles, or has special needs, acceptance can be even more challenging. At least for me anyway- and I can't imagine I'm the only one.
If you follow my blog, you'll know that I've shared with you pieces of my life. Pieces of my journey- not only with Brain Fit Academy, but personally with my own son as well.
In the post "Isn't Everything Supposed to Go Right?" I talked about how Brain Fit has helped me to get past the "over-focusing" that I did for so many years. The support of the Brain Fit family has helped me take a step back and see things in a different light.
Today though- I'm talking about acceptance.
I'm still not there. I'm being brutally honest with you. I'm not fully accepting of my child and his diagnosis.
Does that sound terrible? Maybe.
Is it my truth? Yes.
Does it make me feel guilty and ashamed? Yes, absolutely.
Now you may be wondering why I would just tell you all something like that. Why would this person throw her heart out onto her sleeve and put something like that in writing?
I'm writing it because I don't think I'm the only one. And if I'm not the only one, then it means that what I am writing right now might help someone else.
I understand what it feels like to want to "fix" your child- or to want someone else do it for you.
I understand what it feels like to want to pretend that the problems aren't there. Living in that river in Egypt- AKA- denial.
I understand what it's like to wait and wish for it all to just "go away"-and it doesn't.
I understand what it's like to cry a river of tears over what you hoped your child's life would be- and how it might not ever get there.
I understand.
And so- this brings me to acceptance.
It's hard. The hardest.
Hard to accept that things don't always go the way we planned.
Hard to accept that pieces of your child were never meant to be "fixed" and that that is ok.
Hard to accept that your life may look different than anyone ever planned.
And this is the hardest...to accept your child exactly how they are.
Does that mean we can't want the best for them? Of course not.
Does it mean that we can't seek out help to make their life easier? No- that's still important.
Does it mean that we should be strong enough to be able to "accept"- all on our own- without help? Definitely not- we all need help now and again, and those of us who are in the place where I am- may need even more.
Brain Fit has become a major support system for me. Not only the other coaches and staff- but the families as well. When I share my journey with the families I work with, they share theirs with me. That's when we see that we're not alone- and that we don't need to do it alone.
Yes- I'm putting my heart out on my sleeve in the post. Believe me- it wasn't easy for me to write this. But if my words here on this page help you- or you can identify with them and know that you are not alone, then I have done what I set out to do.
One more thing- in case you didn't get the message:
Acceptance is hard.
You are not alone.
You don't need to be strong enough to do it alone.
There are people who understand.
Brain Fit Academy is my support system and can be yours too.
Enough said. Now please excuse me- I need my support system. It's been a bit of a rough day.
